I Love Bosnia. But This Summer, I'm Going to the Beach.

We sit at the kitchen table in St. Louis or Astoria. We open the laptop. We look at the Lufthansa flights for August. We drop $8,000 for a family of four.

We say, "I can't wait to go home and relax."

Let's be honest. Going to Bosnia is many things. It is emotional. It is beautiful. It is necessary for the soul.

But it is not a vacation.

A vacation is when you turn off your phone and sleep until 10 AM. A trip to Bosnia is a military operation.

You land in Sarajevo. The clock starts. You have 21 days. You have 45 cousins. If you don't visit all of them, someone gets offended.

You spend three weeks driving a rental Skoda on bad roads. You drink 600 kafica. You eat lamb until you can't breathe. You hand out cash like a politician. You listen to every complaint about the politics, the prices, and the neighbors.

You are not relaxing. You are performing. You are the "Amerikanac." You have to pay for the dinners. You have to listen. You have to be present.

By the time you get back to O'Hare or JFK, you need a vacation from your vacation. You are exhausted. You are broke. And you are heavier.

Last August, I did something illegal. I skipped the trip "Dole."

Instead of the 8-hour red-eye to Munich and the stressful connection to Sarajevo, I took a 4-hour flight to the Dominican Republic.

Let's look at the math.

• Bosnia Trip: $1,800 per ticket. $1,000 rental car. $3,000 "spending money" (because you pay for everything). Total stress.